I am Humbled...

Mommy and Mikayla matching colors in cute outfits

I have been doing some writing lately with my good friend Larry.  We have been writing on a number of topics relating to the soul.  One of these topics was humility.  I combed back through experiences in my life when I have been humbled.  I found many things I am not particularly proud of, but there was one experience from early in my life that stood out.  It was the first time I remember being truly humbled.  I have no real expectations with this post, but all I can say is I just feel compelled to share it.  Perhaps this is just my time to make amends, and my daughter is the one who gave me the courage to share it.

Here is an excerpt of what I wrote:

... It is important to note that God convicts and makes us feel guilt to draw us closer to him, but he doesn’t condemn us and pronounce guilt upon us.  Condemnation does not come from God for those who are after his heart.  He convicts us like any good parent does their child, in order to discipline us and make us better.

I still remember the first time I felt God truly convict me.  I was in the fourth grade, and our teacher called a special meeting and we all sat on the floor in a circle. She explained to us that it had been brought to her attention someone in our class had made an insensitive joke about a girl in the class who had some mild disabilities and had trouble walking.  The young girl immediately burst into tears, and we all watched as she publicly shared her hurt for at least 5 minutes.  That 5 minutes felt like a forever to me, because I was the insensitive jerk who made that comment.  I felt so convicted that day I had ringing in my ears.  I still can’t think of that moment today without feeling shame and guilt.  I saw how much pain I had inflicted on that beautiful girl, and I so wished I could have taken it back. I still wonder why the teacher chose such a public forum to expose my failings, but it worked and I was deeply humbled.  Who knew all these years later, I would have my own beautiful daughter with special needs who has physical disabilities and needs my love and protection?

Real humility comes from recognizing our own brokenness that we can’t fix on our own...

I was broken that day, and hopefully I came back as a better person for that girl, myself, my family, and now for my daughter Mikayla.