Crazy Little Thing Called SELF-Love

  

Mikayla in her new seater/stroller

  Mikayla was sick this past week, and one morning I went into her room to rock her while she wasn't feeling well.  She immediately got real quiet, and I just looked into her beautiful baby blue eyes as she looked at me.  It was very early in the morning, and everything so was quiet and peaceful.  Everything felt right in the world as I held her, and just continued to rock back and forth...back and forth...back and forth.  In the midst of the quiet, I felt this immense feeling of joy, peace, and LOVE rush through me.  It was a tidal wave of emotions, and I just let it overwhelm me.  I am not exactly sure how long it lasted, but I felt as if God gave me a short glimpse of the beauty he sees and just how much he loves us and how much he wants us to love others and ourselves.
     As soon as it came, it was gone again but not without leaving an indelible mark.  As it left, I heard a whisper say: Love God, Love Others, and Love Yourself.  This is a phrase a close friend of mine, recently shared a story with me about.  He shared a story of when he went to a monastery and asked the Benedictine monk what he should ponder during his silent retreat.  The monk answered: "Love God, Love Others, and Love Yourself.  These three truth are inextricably linked, and they can't be separated.  You can't have one without the other.  Go...ponder this."
   If you are like me then you say in your head: Love God - CHECK, Love Others - well..uhh...CHECK most of the time, Loving myself - Really?  Do we even have to go there?   Loving myself is not an inherently easy thing for me to do, but I was struck by the monk's response to my friend and just how true it is.  If I am truly to love God and love others, I must love myself as well.  Here are a few things I have learned about self-love.  Now, this is not to say I am good at this, or that I don't stumble...but nevertheless here is what I learned in the school of hard love knocks.

Things I Have Learned About this Crazy Thing Called Self-Love:

     1.  Loving yourself is a choice you must make to be part of the inseparable equation of love I mentioned above.  Love God, Love Others, and Love Yourself.  It is not easy, and it is not something that happens naturally.  You must make the choice to consciously love yourself.  In order to love my baby girl, wife, family, and friends more deeply I must make this choice over and over again.  I make this choice the same way I must make the choice to love God and others at times.

     2.  Self-love is about acceptance.  My brother-in-law gave me a book to read recently called Radical Acceptance.  Acceptance is an especially difficult part of the human condition.  We are always searching for something more or something better.  This can lead us to great heights, but it can also rob us of our joy.  Here is my favorite quote from the book (of what I have read so far): "There is something wonderfully bold and liberating about saying yes to our entire and imperfect and messy life.  With even a glimmer of that possibility, joy rushes in."

    3.  Loving yourself doesn't mean you always have to like yourself.  I have plenty of times I don't like myself, or I am angry at myself for something I did.  I have to forgive myself, in the same way I have to forgive others to move on with my life.

    4.  This is one I learned from Jon Acuff in his new book.  Don't fall prey to the mind-trick of 1 insult + 1,000 compliments = 1 insult.  When we tend to hear compliments we tend to brush them off and forget about them, but when we hear insults we tend to stew on them and sometimes even let it consume us and change our mood.  An insult is different than constructive criticism, and is just downright mean.  It is not life-giving in any form.  When hearing an insult, give yourself enough tough self-love to move past the insult and listen even more intently to the compliments.

   5.  Loving yourself means being yourself.  Perhaps this seems obvious, but its not always to me.  I can change my personality and mask my true self in certain situations.  I may not let "people feel the weight of who I am, and let them deal with it" because I am afraid they might not like who I am.  However, when I am not myself...I DON'T LIKE WHO I AM!  Take it from me, that is much worse.  People are typically more perceptive than we give them credit for, and they can almost always tell if you are being genuine or not.  Also, if you are hanging around the wrong people they will see your weakness and exploit it.

    6.  Finally, be prepared to enter into your wounds and your fears to find your self-love.  This is most often where our self-love hides, and the place we most need to face in order to love God, others, and ourselves more deeply.

Some of you may have more revelations about self-love than I just shared, and if so feel free to leave me a comment, e-mail or tell me on Facebook.  I would love to hear from you.  Just no insults please...there is only room for compliments or constructive criticism here!