Crazy Little Thing Called SELF-Love

  

Mikayla in her new seater/stroller

  Mikayla was sick this past week, and one morning I went into her room to rock her while she wasn't feeling well.  She immediately got real quiet, and I just looked into her beautiful baby blue eyes as she looked at me.  It was very early in the morning, and everything so was quiet and peaceful.  Everything felt right in the world as I held her, and just continued to rock back and forth...back and forth...back and forth.  In the midst of the quiet, I felt this immense feeling of joy, peace, and LOVE rush through me.  It was a tidal wave of emotions, and I just let it overwhelm me.  I am not exactly sure how long it lasted, but I felt as if God gave me a short glimpse of the beauty he sees and just how much he loves us and how much he wants us to love others and ourselves.
     As soon as it came, it was gone again but not without leaving an indelible mark.  As it left, I heard a whisper say: Love God, Love Others, and Love Yourself.  This is a phrase a close friend of mine, recently shared a story with me about.  He shared a story of when he went to a monastery and asked the Benedictine monk what he should ponder during his silent retreat.  The monk answered: "Love God, Love Others, and Love Yourself.  These three truth are inextricably linked, and they can't be separated.  You can't have one without the other.  Go...ponder this."
   If you are like me then you say in your head: Love God - CHECK, Love Others - well..uhh...CHECK most of the time, Loving myself - Really?  Do we even have to go there?   Loving myself is not an inherently easy thing for me to do, but I was struck by the monk's response to my friend and just how true it is.  If I am truly to love God and love others, I must love myself as well.  Here are a few things I have learned about self-love.  Now, this is not to say I am good at this, or that I don't stumble...but nevertheless here is what I learned in the school of hard love knocks.

Things I Have Learned About this Crazy Thing Called Self-Love:

     1.  Loving yourself is a choice you must make to be part of the inseparable equation of love I mentioned above.  Love God, Love Others, and Love Yourself.  It is not easy, and it is not something that happens naturally.  You must make the choice to consciously love yourself.  In order to love my baby girl, wife, family, and friends more deeply I must make this choice over and over again.  I make this choice the same way I must make the choice to love God and others at times.

     2.  Self-love is about acceptance.  My brother-in-law gave me a book to read recently called Radical Acceptance.  Acceptance is an especially difficult part of the human condition.  We are always searching for something more or something better.  This can lead us to great heights, but it can also rob us of our joy.  Here is my favorite quote from the book (of what I have read so far): "There is something wonderfully bold and liberating about saying yes to our entire and imperfect and messy life.  With even a glimmer of that possibility, joy rushes in."

    3.  Loving yourself doesn't mean you always have to like yourself.  I have plenty of times I don't like myself, or I am angry at myself for something I did.  I have to forgive myself, in the same way I have to forgive others to move on with my life.

    4.  This is one I learned from Jon Acuff in his new book.  Don't fall prey to the mind-trick of 1 insult + 1,000 compliments = 1 insult.  When we tend to hear compliments we tend to brush them off and forget about them, but when we hear insults we tend to stew on them and sometimes even let it consume us and change our mood.  An insult is different than constructive criticism, and is just downright mean.  It is not life-giving in any form.  When hearing an insult, give yourself enough tough self-love to move past the insult and listen even more intently to the compliments.

   5.  Loving yourself means being yourself.  Perhaps this seems obvious, but its not always to me.  I can change my personality and mask my true self in certain situations.  I may not let "people feel the weight of who I am, and let them deal with it" because I am afraid they might not like who I am.  However, when I am not myself...I DON'T LIKE WHO I AM!  Take it from me, that is much worse.  People are typically more perceptive than we give them credit for, and they can almost always tell if you are being genuine or not.  Also, if you are hanging around the wrong people they will see your weakness and exploit it.

    6.  Finally, be prepared to enter into your wounds and your fears to find your self-love.  This is most often where our self-love hides, and the place we most need to face in order to love God, others, and ourselves more deeply.

Some of you may have more revelations about self-love than I just shared, and if so feel free to leave me a comment, e-mail or tell me on Facebook.  I would love to hear from you.  Just no insults please...there is only room for compliments or constructive criticism here!

My Song for "Mikayla" on Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day.  I wrote a song to my daughter Mikayla on Father's Day.  Click the video above to see the video of the song.  The lyrics are written below.

Mikayla
Verse One
I hold you skin to skin
And I know that you're my kin
I'll never let you go
You have disabled my soul
You may have special needs
But you never bite the hand that feeds

Chorus
Oh Mikayla my baby girl
My daughter and precious pearl
Mikayla, my beauty queen
Here in my secret world I hold unseen

Verse Two
I'm singing you to sleep
Where my love runs so deep
I wanna take all your pain
Because I'll never be the same
The beauty that you share
It strips your daddy's heart to the bare

REPEAT CHORUS

Verse Three
I'm not a perfect man
But I feel as if I can
Have her untouched by this world
And whose prescence is unfurled
I'll hold her when she cries
And tell her not to believe those lies...those lies...those lies

Bridge
So you came to us from above
Showed me what it means to love
A lonely man I'll never be
You gave my heart the eyes to see
To connect with greater than myself
I tore all my books off the shelf
The only one left was a Bible in my hand
And a prayer to help me understand
Why did you make my daughter this way?
The only thing that I have left to say
My soul is touched and I have peace
And I feel my apprehension...RELEASE....Release....Release 

Final Chorus
Mikayla, you're my baby girl
You're my daughter and precious pearl
 Mikayla, you're my beauty queen
Here in my secret world I hold unseen

END...

I am Humbled...

Mommy and Mikayla matching colors in cute outfits

I have been doing some writing lately with my good friend Larry.  We have been writing on a number of topics relating to the soul.  One of these topics was humility.  I combed back through experiences in my life when I have been humbled.  I found many things I am not particularly proud of, but there was one experience from early in my life that stood out.  It was the first time I remember being truly humbled.  I have no real expectations with this post, but all I can say is I just feel compelled to share it.  Perhaps this is just my time to make amends, and my daughter is the one who gave me the courage to share it.

Here is an excerpt of what I wrote:

... It is important to note that God convicts and makes us feel guilt to draw us closer to him, but he doesn’t condemn us and pronounce guilt upon us.  Condemnation does not come from God for those who are after his heart.  He convicts us like any good parent does their child, in order to discipline us and make us better.

I still remember the first time I felt God truly convict me.  I was in the fourth grade, and our teacher called a special meeting and we all sat on the floor in a circle. She explained to us that it had been brought to her attention someone in our class had made an insensitive joke about a girl in the class who had some mild disabilities and had trouble walking.  The young girl immediately burst into tears, and we all watched as she publicly shared her hurt for at least 5 minutes.  That 5 minutes felt like a forever to me, because I was the insensitive jerk who made that comment.  I felt so convicted that day I had ringing in my ears.  I still can’t think of that moment today without feeling shame and guilt.  I saw how much pain I had inflicted on that beautiful girl, and I so wished I could have taken it back. I still wonder why the teacher chose such a public forum to expose my failings, but it worked and I was deeply humbled.  Who knew all these years later, I would have my own beautiful daughter with special needs who has physical disabilities and needs my love and protection?

Real humility comes from recognizing our own brokenness that we can’t fix on our own...

I was broken that day, and hopefully I came back as a better person for that girl, myself, my family, and now for my daughter Mikayla. 

Better to Give Than to Receive?

Mikayla with her elephant with cochlear implants

We have all heard the old adage: "It is better to give than to receive."  I understand the sentiment of this statement, but receiving is also an important part of the giving process.  People love to give Mikayla gifts, and not just on her birthday.  They love to give her things, and I have to admit I have never been great at receiving gifts.  It really is an art, and one I have been trying to learn over time.  What I have learned is people receive enjoyment from giving.  I have learned to accept these gifts for her graciously, and it shows me just how many people care for her and us.  So it is better to give, but I also believe receiving is an important part of the giving process.  Thank you to all of you who have given us gifts.  It has truly been a pleasure to receive them.