Being vs. Doing

Mikayla with her Stephen Curry basketball jersey

My father-in-law gave me a lecture series on CD called Customs of the World: Using Cultural Intelligence to Adapt, Wherever You Are. This has been a fascinating lecture series to listen to for me, because of all my travels around the world and studying of other cultures.  The lecturer David Livermore takes you though a series of cultural differences in an effort to improve the cultural intelligence (CQ) of the audience.  One of the lectures was on the Being vs. Doing Orientation.  The Being Orientation are cultures that emphasize contemplation and reflection, and values quality of life.  An example of a culture that is high in Being Orientation is Japan.  On the other end is the Doing Orientation, which are cultures that emphasize action and proactive behavior.  Doing Orientation cultures tend to value efficiency and results.  As you can probably gather, the United States is very high on the Doing Orientation.  We are a nation of doers on the go, that pride ourselves and being busy and strive for efficiency and results.  It is important to note that these are generalizations to an overall culture, and not everyone falls into one category or another.

This lecture in particular really got me thinking about our culture, and specifically our culture orientation as parents.  Generally, we are a nation of parents that emphasize this Doing Orientation. Heather and I as parents of Mikayla are very much in this orientation as well.  Mikayla goes from one therapy to the next, and we often come home with a list of "things to work on".  This list may include things like head & neck control, eating by mouth, getting her to push up with her arms, grasping, eye focus, and stretching the hamstrings, just to name a few.  Sometimes it can be overwhelming, and feelings of guilt would creep in if we didn't work on all of those things during our off times on weekends and night time.  We are determined to give Mikayla every advantage and chance we can to succeed.  It is our main focus with her.  That being said, listening to this lecture reminded me that it is also equally as important to sometimes just BE with Mikayla without agenda.  Sometimes, she just needs some snuggle time and some quality time with us to know that she is loved.  It reminded me of something our pediatrician told us early on.  He told us "there will be many voices telling you many different things on what is best for Mikayla because of her special needs, but you are her parents and will ultimately know what is best for her."  I didn't fully process what he said to me then, until I was driving in my car listening to this lecture on CD.  He was telling us that we are a culture of doers, and as such we will hear advice from many different people who are trying to help Mikayla.  As important as it is to listen and work with Mikayla, don't forget that sometimes we also just need to be with her.  Value the time we have with her, and reflect on the good times we have together as a family.  These times are also important to us, to give us the fuel to keep working with her towards important goals and milestones.  So my message today is, I love living in a culture that is of the Doing Orientation but let us not forget that there is real value in taking time to live in the Being Orientation as well.